I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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