FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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