I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So apparently I’m into choking now
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