Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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