I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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