Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
