Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
