I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
