Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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