Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
