The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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