We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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