they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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