so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
