When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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