Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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