I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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