So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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