Don't make out with my wife yet
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
