I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
