Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
