don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
