do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
