Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
