this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
