he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
