I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Randomize
