You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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