Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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