I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize