I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
