? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
