It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
