He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
