so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
