Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
