Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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