I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
