you guys were way drunker than both of me
too bad you live with your parents still
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
