k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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