she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
