I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
