i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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