My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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