I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
