I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
