had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
