Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
