Apparently you make a good broom.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
