You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
